So I haven't posted in a while ... I am hoping most of you remember that Thanksgiving THROUGH New Year is the CRAZIEST time in my line of work. Being an event planner ... you can imagine my plate is full with the Holiday season. I currently have 71 events in the month of December ... and I am expecting at least another 10 to book ... BUSY doesn't quite capture it....That being said .... I just couldn't let another week go without a quick update. We had a blast Thanksgiving weekend ... hanging out with Ray, John, and Dad (Dad was amazing not only helping me assemble my christmas tree (AMAZING), but also put Park's Crib togehter, and then watched the boys all day Friday while I worked .... with Uncky John ... incredible!!). We saw Santa Clause sky dive (pictures to come ... WOW!), grilled out steaks, built a gingerbread house, made our Santa List, and avoided the mall at all costs.
This Christmas will be a little lean in the gift department as I am sure it is with everyone (economy and all) ... but presents will seem to pale in the shadow of my oldest son's cackle of a laugh and my little boy's huge grin. So this has brought me to my biggest revelation to date ...
I am absolutely the most blessed woman on this planet. My two boys are such an amazing blessing, and I still can't understand why God has chosen me as their mom. They bring such life to my world. One of my friends put it so well tonight. "You're eyes are blazing (he said) ... I am so happy that you've come out of this so full of life". And my only response (HOW COULD YOU NOT BE!). I can't imagine a day when my life hasn't busted with fullness. Don't get me wrong the list of "TODO's" can seem daunting and unatainable on some days. But I look back on this year (almost a year since I became single ... can you believe it!) ...and all I see is strength.
I can't believe I have done his entire year on my own (physically, financially, emotionally)! I know pride is sinful ... but I can't help it. Today the more I thought of it ... I'm so PROUD of myself ... (that's embarassing!) I knew and still know that my family would/will come galloping to my rescue should I need it. In so many ways they have done more than they know. My sister still keeps the boys on Thursday and Friday (which is amazing!unbelieveable!)... and my mom has her occasional Grocery trip (life saving!). But for the most part ... its me! Every night, every morning ... sick, well, water bills, rent, happy, sad, time outs, doctor, dentist, play time, nap time, meals, tantrums, all of it (its me!). Its So overwhelming at times. There are days when I look into Ty and Park's eyes and think life couldn't get ANY HARDER. But then there are days (and they happen more than the former) ... when we sit together in the living room me and my boys and we just laugh. Tickling, sweet, joyful, HAPPY, I realize this family ... the family I have now ... is more than I ever had before. This life is more than I could ever want. I truly would choose this time and time again.
I can feel the future deep in me (almost as vivid as if I were looking at it now), and I know that it won't always be easy .... flat tires, cavities, holidays, girlfriends (eeek!), bills, report cards, grounding ... it will always just BE ME! But I am READY. I know I have been blessed with the strength to face it all. It's prickling up my arm right now, in a wave of goosebumps, when I realize ... I dont' need to be scared of what is to come. I have it in me to make this all work.
So when the boys seem just too much to handle, the bank account nears the single digits, I'm down to the last pair of underwear, my last diaper, and then just at the wrong time the tollway lights flash yellow as I zoom through, I will smile back at it all .... smile with confidence and smile with a daring since of acceptance, challenge even. I can do this! Bring it on!!
Back to the laundry ... pictures to come soon!
